you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
