how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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