you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
