I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
