Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
