sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
