Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
