clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
