well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
