Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
