I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
