OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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