I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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