did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
