you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
