so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
