I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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