Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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