I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
