I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
