I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
