no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
