i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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