I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
