it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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