I can tuck mytits in my pants
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
