he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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