So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
