ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
