dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
