What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
