His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
