Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
