So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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