I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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