im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
