listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
