Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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