Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
