Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
