Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
