I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
