just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
