Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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