O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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