omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
