Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
