Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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