we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
