U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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