i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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