My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
