I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
